Trump vs Salt Bae

 

The most transparent Presidency the USA has ever seen

Today it was announced that the USA was enjoying the most transparent presidency in its history.  All issues are handled openly and without fear or favour.

"My Presidency has been one of complete transparency, like no one can believe," said President Donald Trump.  "Like my tax returns, there is nothing for you to see in the inner workings of my administration."

President Trump was particularly pleased with the fact that there was nothing for anyone to see in the Jeffrey Epstein archives, not on video, or photographs.  Not even observation logs.

"I really can't find anything that you could see," said Donald Trump who has openly appeared on the Epstein flight logs. "I was a dear friend of Epstein for decades.  I lived openly near him and Ghislaine Maxwell in both Palm Beach and in New York.  I have only best wishes for her"

The current President of the USA's transparency is not just a new trend, he very much practised it in his first term.  Back then he was completely clear about choosing Alex Acosta as his Labor Secretary who had openly negotiated Epstein's immunity from federal prosecution.

Trump has also openly employed Howard Lutnick as his commerce secretary.  Lutnick bought a property from Epstein and lived next door to the sex offender, also in New York.

"It's absolutely transparent my dealings with Epstein, Maxwell and Lutnick," said Trump.  "And I have been transparent in telling you that the Epstein files that I campaigned on releasing simply cannot be seen."

LEAKED: More specs of the new Trump Phone

 

Everyone is desperate for news of the must-have new Made In America phone and we have some exclusive details of the new T1 handset that have been leaked from the design office in Chengdu (absolutely, really the one in Missouri).

• Truth Social will be built into the phone.
• The on-screen keyboard will only contain upper case letters.
• The phone will be able to tell if you have been sitting too long and therefore are at risk of your legs going numb whilst posting from the toilet
• With predictive text a-plenty it will transform any message into your own personalised weave, like no one has seen before. It will also make sure to auto-correct any nasty phrases you might use about beloved old politicians with great hair like no one can believe
• There will a “Secret Messaging” mode in which all your messages will automatically be copied to journalists to save you time in your busy day showing off about the military stuff you know
• The in-built camera will come with a range of orange filters. 
• It’s in-built AI will be able to perform facial detection on brown people and live stream to Homeland Security.
• The phone will come with 47 new emojis of President Trump in various Iron Man poses to help you express yourself.  But only one female emoji for discussing nasty women. No black emojis
• Its battery life will be like no other phone and, being measured in Made in American units, will last several days (on Jupiter)
• Much like President Trump, it will be light! Stated to only weigh 6 ounces in Made in America units (2 pounds).
• The phone will use the latest Made In America Motorola 68000 processor and featuring the latest Made in America graphics from ColecoVision and so be able to display the Gorilla Channel in cyan, magenta, yellow and white simultaneously!
• It will come pre-installed with the game everyone is talking about “Trump’s Pong”