Transcript Of Pope Benedict’s Future Meeting With God Discovered

As Pope Benedict XVI tours Great Britain a transcript from the year 2020 has been discovered. It appears to be the minutes of a meeting between the late Joseph Ratzinger and God:-

St Peter	As His papal representative on Earth you get a personal audience, I'll just take the minutes.
God	Ah Ratzinger. Good To See You. This Won't Take Long Now, Just A Few Questions And We Can Process Your Application For Entrance To Heaven.
Ratzinger	So it is true? Heaven, Hell, Jesus, St. Peter. It is all true? My faith is rewarded.
God	Yep, It's True, We'll See About The Reward Bit At The End.
Raztinger	Stick that Muslims.
God	Well, I Am Their God Too.
Ratzinger	Yes, yes, so my version, is the true faith?
God	Well Lets See. Got A Couple Of Questions About Your Devotion, And Any Suffering For The Faith And All That. Right Now, Christianity, Have You Really Stuck To The Boy's Teachings?
Ratzinger	I have served you both faithfully for 93 years.
God	Let's See, Hitler Youth?
Ratzinger	Culture of the time, I never really supported it. I was only in it for the saluting.
God	Really? Shame? See The Jews Still Don't Recognise My Boy And Well I Am An Old Stick-In-The-Mud, So A Pogrom Against The Jews – Well I Have Been Known To Inflict A Bit Of Mass Suffering In My Time.
Ratzinger	Well, erm, yes, it gave focus to youth, did a lot of community work. And saluting. Unflinching adherence to offensive doctrine does prepare one for a life in the Church.
God	But The Persecution, It Wasn't Love Thy Neighbour Was It? That Was The Old Me, Fire, Brimstone, Flood. I Mellowed After The Boy Came Along, Like Many Parents. Love Everyone Was His Message.
Ratzinger	Christ, Oh sorry. This religion lark's tricky. Erm, well the other stuff has been good.
God	Sodomy?
Ratzinger	Complete sin, always been against it. Definitely.
God	Even Between Consenting Adults? Me Fearing Christian Adults?
Ratzinger	Yes, very much so.
God	Rape Of Children?
Ratzinger	Of course, a sin too.
God	I Don't Remember Saying To Defend Paedophiles, You've Spent Decades Doing That.
Ratzinger	Well er, no hold on, that's not totally fair, I mean I had to protect the church.
God	A Church Full Of Paedophiles - You Even Moved Them From One Parish To Another Rather Than Them Face Earthly Justice - Is That What You Were Protecting?
Ratzinger	Well, erm. Christ. I mean. Erm. Sorry. Well really it's just following your example?
God	My Example? This Is A New Interpretation, Even For Me!
Ratzinger	Well you did give Mary one. And she was under-age.
God	She Was A Girl.
Ratzinger	Hence why homosexuality is the ultimate sin and so much worse than fiddling with a choir boy?
God	So There Is Method To Your Madness! Bugger Me.
Ratzinger	Christ no! Oh, sorry. Again.
God	Any Suffering You Want To Discuss – Always Good For Heaven A Bit Of Suffering, Eh Pete?
Ratzinger	I did a fair bit of travelling the world, spreading the Word.
God	You Mean You Drove Around In That Ice Cream Van Of Yours, It's Hardly Being Crucified Upside Down Is It?
Ratzinger	I wore the big hat.
God	Taxpayers Spent Millions And You Didn't Even Give Them A Cornetto.
Ratzinger	I did a gig with Susan Boyle?
God	Christ! Sorry. You're In.