Surreal Scoop

George Lucas has announced that he has sold the Star Wars franchise to theatrical heritage authority Disney in a move to guarantee the future of Star Wars merchandising for another generation. “I think it is time I handed over the baton.  After 35 years, I really cannot think of anything else to stick Darth Vader’s image on,” said the mad revisionist as he signed the Star Wars ‘May the Courts be with you’ branded stationery of the contract using his LightSaber pen.  Senior First Executive Principle Vice President, Walter D. Billingsworth IV who followed Mr Lucas in signing the contract on behalf of Disney said that there was a lot of pent-up demand for further adventures in the Star Wars extended universe. “We have definite plans for the next movie in 2015 which will focus on the Ewoks who have to free their sacred talking candlestick from the Sheriff of Nottingham,” said Billingsworth.  “We think die-hard fans and newcomers alike will enjoy our re-interpretation o...

Surreal Scoop, in common with the excellent journalists at the country’s finest newspapers, and the Daily Mail, would like to express our sincere disgust that - despite 40 years of turning a blind-eye and a failure to investigate these terrible rumours that apparently everyone knew about - we can now safely pin the blame on a BBC employee who took an editorial decision several months after Jimmy Savile’s death. It is sickening to think of the depraved acts inflicted upon the innocent, and sometimes mentally impaired, members of the press who had to fend off inappropriate moves from the bejewelled paedo as we celebrated:- Jimmy Savile hard at it, up all night. As a porter in Leeds Hospital Jimmy Savile puffing and panting his way through numerous charity marathon runs Jimmy Savile down on his knees to receive his OBE, and his Knighthood Instead, we can now reveal after only forty years of not following rumours that Jimmy Savile was:- a serial paedophile a powerful media mog...