Surreal Scoop

As retailers across the land attempt to convince us that they are reluctantly just satisfying the huge demand for Christmas sections in summer, a new survey has revealed the must-have new educational toys that will be available this year. “The results really are both interesting and unexpected,” said Professor J. Scott Billingsworth the famed behavioural scientist presenting the survey at a press conference today. “We asked lots of randomly selected, independent visitors to our website which gifts had the most educational value. Turns out that Ben 10 won by a long way.” The survey, which all children taking the survey said should be “like really totally reported in next weekend’s Sunday papers”, was conducted by the children’s education specialist website, “buytoys4kids.com”. It asked all visitors under 15 to rate the likely Christmas best sellers in terms of their educational value. “I think that the Ben 10 Lego Swampfire will help me understand the environmental impact of the oil sp...

The 1st August 2010 marked a landmark moment in the progression towards a civilised world as the USA formed a bond with Iran and North Korea in their disinterest in banning cluster bombs. “The USA of A, I say America, has always been the shining city on the hill for the world to look up to,” said Senator Harry “Tex” Billingsworthski. “And today, by aligning ourselves with North Korea and Iran, we send a clear message to the world as to how we view our responsibilities to civilians at time of war. Well non-American ones anyway. I say kill them all, let God sort it out.” Today 30 countries other than the Axis of Apathy, including those with a proud history of tolerance and stability, such as Angola, Bosnia, South Africa and Germany all signed up to the Wellington declaration agreeing to ban cluster bombs. “It is a proud, I say proud, moment for all, I say all, Americans, to be aligned with nations who have done so much in the cause of peace, freedom and tolerance. I say tolerance, such a...