Surreal Scoop

Scotland's new King in waiting, Alex of Salmond, today refuted claims that he is making up policy on the spot. He also denied that he was making a desperate bid to secure his coronation before grown-up Scots sober up and realise life probably isn't all England's fault after all and hastily reverse their plan to allow children to vote. “I have been entirely clear and consistent when I said all along that Scotland would be an independent nation in Europe and use the Euro as its currency,” said King Alex from what will one day be his palace in Holyrood. “Sterling is a fully convertible currency and hence I can convert my plan from the Euro by just saying it differently.” Alex “King” Salmond said that perhaps any confusion had arisen by journalists who might have used Siri and its triumph with regards to understanding the Scots . “I think you'll agree that Scotland is as close to Europe as Scandinavia and since Vikings came over to Britain many years ago I can convert our e...

Fiona, the world’s fastest Agony Aunt is here for you! With the help of her team of counsellors and sex therapists she’ll answer sexual, relationship, emotional and family problems for all ages. Dear Fi, I am a middle-aged family man with a secret. For many years now I have been secretly cross-dressing in women’s clothes. I have a small collection of dresses and shoes which I sneak onto business trips etc so that, when alone in my hotel room, I can dress as I feel I should and I can be myself. However despite society being so much more tolerant and liberal I can’t yet face going out in public. First of all though I need your guidance as to how I can tell my wife and two darling children. Yours, Martin, Norwich Dearest Martin, Most of us put on a performance to convince the rest of the world of something that, deep down inside, we know isn’t true and your transvestism is just another case. Take Red Bull Racing, for example. Whilst they may pretend that they are in fact an Austrian F1 te...