Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Scientists admit to Cold Fusion Hoax delay

Leading members of the physics community working on the latest Cold Fusion Hoax today revealed that they are at least 2 years behind schedule.

"We plan to have a cold fusion story in the newspapers every 15 to 20 years or so," said Professor J. Scott Billingsworth, consultant media scientist to the energy group leading the research. "However it takes quite some time to put together a crack team of credulous tabloid journalists with a C at GCSE chemistry, and this Hoax is going to have to be more sophisticated than it's predecessors, now that the special effects on Dr. Who are so good."

The Cold Fusion Hoax is the Holy Grail of science reporters up and down the land who are keen to file thousands of words of copy with scientific looking diagrams, references to Star Trek and pictures of the 'Mr Fusion' from Back to the Future. Stories can endlessly be written about limitless clean power, the return to poverty of the Arabs, Bluebirds wheeling through a perfectly clear sky and an end to the frustration of running out of batteries for a vibrator. However as society becomes more technically adept it becomes more difficult to produce a good Hoax without actually inventing the technology itself.

"Back in the day we used to just be able to mix up a few chemicals in test-tubes and let it boil some water in a tank," said Professor Billingsworth. "We could claim it was caused by anything as long as the pictures showed a device as convincing as whatever Davros would use to destroy a planet. Now, what with Wikipedia and that programme QI on the telly, Joe Punter knows as much as a PhD researcher from Loughborough University."

The Physics community has long relied on the Cold Fusion Hoax as a way of generating more funding for ever bigger and more impressive machines for research into hot fusion, the very thing that Cold Fusion itself would obviate the need for.

"Every physicist on the planet wants to play with the atom-smashers. They want to be able to tell people that "today I created something hotter than the sun, two miles below Switzerland'," said the Professor. "It was what made science the new rock and roll. After all scientists have plenty of drugs. But little sex."

The science community now believes that even the recent news that the Science and Technology Facilities Council (STFC) had run out of 50p pieces for the big Gemini telescopes would be unlikely to provide enough stimulus for a proper go at the Cold Fusion Hoax. Physicists are now looking to their old foes in genetic research for the over-hyped mega-invention that will lead to an increased flow of funding.

"Atoms are bloody expensive you know, and when the scientists are really sexed up they can smash literally dozens of them in a single day – it's a costly business," said Professor Billingsworth. "I think someone in a lab is going to have to make a cross between a songbird and a drug-crazed ape, or a miracle hair-growth drug or something."

LATE BREAKING NEWS:
Researchers at the Gorilla-Parrot Breeding Institute in Enfield are to convene a press conference tomorrow on the 'Origins of Amy Winehouse.'


16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ziing!

Anonymous said...

...and it's a WIN !

Alain Coetmeur said...

euf, sorry, but you should update your reference...

executive summary about LENR :
http://www.lenrnews.eu/lenr-summary-for-policy-makers/
keywords: National instruments, ST Microelectronics, Toyota, Mitsubishi, ENEA (italy), Elforsk (se),US navy Spawar, US navy NRL, NASA GRC, SRI, Defkalion, leonardo corporation, Brillouin corporation, Lenuco, Univ Missouri, Univ Tsinghua...


about science, it is a bit late compared to the industry
http://www.lenrnews.eu/evidences-that-lenr-is-real-beyond-any-reasonable-doubt/
but at least the critics against LENr are clearly ridiculous...

reading hoax I though you were talking of NIF and ITER recent announces...

If we were having so small results, everybody would laugh...
most laugh already, but some invest, and some prepare to compete...

Hope this helps you make real news


--
AlainCo the techwatcher of lenr-forum.com

Alain Coetmeur said...

Note beside Cold fusion which is a suspended reality, and landing blackswan...

you can get interest in a really controversial subject :
EmDrive...

I really feel it cannot work because of what I know on usual physics, but I know enough about relativistic quantum physics (like that photons can be seen as electrons from an accelerated reference, and that number of particles seen can change depending on your relative speed) to suspend mu opinion to experimental test...

recently shaywer EmDrive, was tested by a chinese team, and from their test protocol it seems to works...
of course I already hear the usual wildcard used to ruleout annoying experimental results : "it is all fraud"...
but now an english inventor is frauding with a chinese academic of the Chinese School of Astronautic...

more data there:
http://emdrive.com/faq.html
and many resources there :
http://www.scoop.it/t/emdrive

maybe you can make another more laughable article...
because cold fusion start to be more news than joke...

EmDrive at least have some serious probability to be false.

for cold fusion, please avoid to look ridiculous...

hope this helps !

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