Heather Mills McCartney is dead!

Rumours are circulating via the Internet that estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney, Heather Mills has actually died and been replaced with a double. The rumours say that recent news reports contain coded messages hinting at the truth. The clues are apparently revealed using acrostic techniques such as selecting every 3rd letter of allegations in The Sun newspaper and reading the Take-a-Break crossword clues backwards.

"As more and more evidence comes to light we are building up a better picture of what really happened to Heather Mills and the true identity of her replacement," said Geraldine Billingsworth who runs the 'Tinfoil Hat' blog. "There is loads of stuff in that interview where she takes her false leg off. If you play it backwards."

Conspiracy theorists say that they have so far determined that Ms Mills was involved in a road accident whilst using the pedestrian crossing in Abbey Road, St Johns Wood, London in the early hours of Wednesday, September 9th 2002. They say that her artificial leg became detached causing her to stumble into the path of a vintage Austin-Healey sports car whose driver had not realised the lights had changed. She was attended to at the scene but was pronounced dead at precisely 5am.

"The clues are all there if you know where to look and apply a little intuition and imagination," said Miss Billingsworth. "It is the only logical explanation as to how such an idyllic marriage of two such wonderful people, one the nicest Beatle, who have brought so much joy and support to the world, could have gone so wrong. It is not Heather Mills at all, but a doppelganger by the name of Billie Shears. "

A spokesman for Sir Paul McCartney said that the former Beatle was keen to clear the air to avoid any further damaging revelations in the media.

"Obviously Sir Paul was traumatised by the death of his beloved Heather. However the couple had also signed lots of contracts for photo shoots and the landmine campaigning was going very well, so we thought ‘lets just use a double again’," explained William Campbell speaking from the McCartney country estate in East Sussex. "It backfired when the model look-a-like realised a divorce would be a good way to get hold of some of that Beatles fortune. I guess we should have expected that this might happen, after all the double got all the money 40 years ago too!"