It takes too much work to compile a list of Epstein's clients.

The Supposed "client list" of convinced sex offender Jeffrey Epstein was declared non-existent by the Department of Justice of the USA.  

"After the reviewing a big stack of documents I did not find a handwritten note from Epstein" said Attorney General Pamela Billingsworth.  "No sireee, I've read several pages of those documents, so many pages you would not believe, and I have not found anything to publish."

The list of supposed clients of Epstein, for whom it is assumed that he procured young women, has long been rumoured to exist snice it is further rumoured that a great source of his wealth and influence came from his ability to blackmail those for whom he had provided such services.

However the Department Of Justice has now said that after reviewing thousands of hours of CCTV it has come to the conclusion that over 1,000 women and girls were harmed by Epstein alone and that Ghislaine Maxwell was procuring them solely for her boyfriends own needs.  

"Certainly it looks that way from the hour I have put into reading all them big old documents full of all them long words.  I'm here for the drama and the glory, not reading!", said Billingsworth.  "But you rest assured if I should come across a list of names, of powerful, influential figures that have been involved in such shameful acts I reserve the right to release that list all the way from A to S."