Saturday, October 29, 2011

Apple Overjoyed As iPhone 4S Passes Turing Test In Scotland

Boffins at Apple's Cupertino headquarters in California are today said to be overjoyed at the news that the company's latest offering, the iPhone 4S, has managed to respond to human interaction in a manner that users are finding indistinguishable from the response of a real person.

“Apparently our Siri users in Scotland have found that the iPhone 4S has absolutely no idea what they are saying,” an acolyte from Apple Core gestured through a ‘multi-touch’ interpreter. “This is exactly the response any real human would have when trying to interact with a Scotsman.”

The voice operation software in the new 4S has been found to reply only with confusion and bewilderment at suggestions from north of the border. This silicon confusion is the same that any of us would have when confronted by a Scottish user who wants to know the time, what the weather is going to be like or where the lowest priced can of Tennent's Super can be found within staggering distance. And whether the phone has any change for the bus home. It really is for the bus, pal.

“Turing is one of the indicator tests for the progress of technology, if a computer response is indistinguishable from that of a human then the system passes.” gestured the acolyte. “And frankly there is no one alive that knows what the Scottish want.”

However an international committee is said to be studying the results closely, as they believe a crucial criteria of the Turing test may have been overlooked.

“The iPhone behaviour needs to be in response to conversation with a human,” said one Nobel Prize winner. “I am not sure that qualifies just any hominid, regardless of how angry it feels, or how large it’s feeling of victimhood - so we are not sure the Scotch qualify.

“Oh has that thought upset them? That’s predictable. I’m English.”

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