Apple has moved to once again take the portable consumer communications industry by storm with its latest product launch. The company has announced a product that aims to make the well tested and hugely popular touchscreen technology of the iPad, so familiar in trains, airports and Starbucks across the world, readily accessible and even more portable.
“We all know that the iPad has revolutionised our smug, coffee shop web surfing habits. Now we want to make it easier for our polo-necked customers to have a superior air about them wherever they may be,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs making the multi-touch salute ‘ZoomOut’ - the sign of the Apple Cult. “Whilst everyone has become so used to the iPad, many people just want a bit more convenience, and so I give you the iPad Nano.”
To the background of cheers and choreographed multi-touch ‘ZoomIn’ gestures, Mr Jobs unveiled the smaller, more compact iPad Nano at the exclusive mountain-top retreat known as ‘Apple Core’.
“The iPad Nano condenses the web-surfing, video and music playing capabilities of the iPad into a form factor that you can hold in your hand, or even in your pocket,” said the Apple High-Priest to a round of applause. “Rest assured your favourite applications can all be downloaded just as before, but now the hilarious drinking lager app looks like you are having a swift half, not a whole bucket!”
Apple said that it was responding to rumours of criticism of the iPad: that it was bulky to carry around and its large and unwieldy display led to a battery life of a mere 10 hours.
“Apparently some of the brethren have expressed displeasure to my acolytes that the device is so large even though it has no keyboard, and that its size makes the Chosen Tablet cumbersome to take to places to be seen in,” said Mr Jobs through an interpreter as he continued his presentation purely in the multi-touch gesture language. “We find this difficult to believe, not least because the people who made these complaints have disappeared.”
The iPad Nano boasts impressive specifications. It is half the height of the full size iPad, at 4.5 inches, and a third of the width, at 2.4 inches. Also revealed at Apple Core was that the multi-touch gesture for “disappear” is to slide one’s finger across one’s throat.
“The iPad Nano is a truly revolutionary device, and will come with additional features,” gestured Mr Jobs as he ascended upwards. “There will be a version that not only has 3G capability but also includes the functionality to make telephone calls.”
Following the unease with which the Chosen Tablet’s name was received by the public, especially among women, the iPad Nano 3G will be sold under the name ‘iPhone’.
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