Society Declares Everything Is Now Free

A new era has finally dawned, we are now living the “Star Trek” future were there is no need for money, people just enjoy their hobbies and food appears out of nowhere. These are the findings of a weeklong study from groups of field researchers taking in England’s most significant cities. And Manchester.

“Money is now a thing of the past,” said behavioural scientist Professor J. Scott Billingsworth. “Everything is available on-demand and money serves now only to be received, not spent. For example I received £25 for these trainers that I demanded from a terrified man in Ealing.”

The researchers found that 2011 had seen the realisation of a future previously only imagined by science-fiction writers such as Gene Roddenberry or H.G. Wells. Now at last are huge tracts of society that find no need for money and spend time pursuing knowledge – such as Stellar Cartography , expressing themselves creatively – such as writing plays exploring the human condition, or getting bonged out of its mind and setting fire to Carpet Right – such as 8 packs of Stella Artois and some firelighters knicked from the Co-op

“Previously most people have only been able to take part in this new free society via the Internet. We have been free for years simply taking music, or movies etc without the burden of paying for them. But technology had not progressed to where my material desires could be so easily realised in the physical world,” explained Professor Billingsworth. “Then, last Monday, we discovered I was able to ‘hack’ the window of Currys with a brick. Suddenly everything was free. Now I can watch Eamonn Holmes in HD. ”

Professor Billingsworth said that it was early days yet to see how the new economy will function now that everything is free. Critics have complained that someone must work to make things, whether physical or not, and that this new model may ultimately be unsustainable if the people making things aren’t paid for their efforts.

“Well, I don’t know how they aren’t making money out of trainers, I mean I did. If they don’t like making trainers they can try something else. Now I have an HD TV I’d quite like a new Blu-Ray player, so they could make me one of those instead,” said the Professor. “Although they’ll need to build me a new outlet first, since I burned the previous shop down when I left.”