Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Spartacus Denies Rumours Of Being The Latest To Take Out A Super-Injunction

Slave rebellion leader, Spartacus, today attempted to quell rumours that he was the latest celebrity figure to have taken out a super-injunction preventing certain details of his life from being openly discussed.

“I have nether had a Super-Injunction, nor have I ever had an affair with Gabby Logan,” said the leader of the Third Servile War on his Twitter account. “And it was a Roman trying to seduce Tony Curtis, not me.”

Spartacus is the latest celebrity to be caught up in the Super-Injunction controversy, in which high-profile figures who make lavish livings out of complimentary publicity decide that only nice things should ever be written about them in newspapers.

“Being a historical figure living over two thousand years ago, and living over seventeen hundred miles away in what you would now call South Western Bulgaria I am, of course a huge Manchester United fan,” said the former gladiator. “But I have never met Ryan Giggs and have no idea whether he like snails or oysters.”

The rebel leader, who either perished in the final battle with the Roman legions of Crassus in 71BC, or was crucified shortly thereafter, has said that he wants to remain out of the limelight as much as possible but is also keen on the truth being told.

“One thing you can say about me, I don't need to hide behind court rulings, because hundreds of my followers will declare themselves as being Spartacus to obstruct the authorities anyway,” said the Thracian warrior. “However, if the inevitable remake of the 1960 film about me is to be made, I would like Ewan McGregor to play my part, although I don't know who would be Antoninus for the close combat scenes.

“Oh, one more thing, Sir Fred Goodwin definitely failed as a banker.”

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