TUC votes to ban women’s underwear

Following the vote over high-heels, in a further landmark ruling during the Trade Union Congress’s meeting in Liverpool, a motion was passed calling on all female underwear to be made illegal in the workplace.

“For too long women have been compelled to wear knickers, and bras, tights and stockings,” said Lorraine Billingsworth, a comfortable shoe wearing delegate at the conference. “Ban these evil, lying items of clothing, since you never look as good in them as the models in the catalogues.”

Union officials say that since men who may work in professions such as cabin crew or trade shows are not compelled to wear knickers or bras then they are clearly discriminatory and should be banned.

“I think it’s a great idea, sometimes the stewardess uniforms with their short skirts and high-heels must be difficult to spend the day in,” said George, a frequent flyer from Edinburgh and member of the Scottish Health & Safety executive. “If I knew that they were not wearing any knickers I would show them my firm support.”

If the ruling is made law it will have a dramatic effect on workplace attire for many women which is something that Trade Unionists believe need not be seen in a negative light.

“There will need to be regular checks to ensure that women are not being compelled to wear dangerous knickers,” said Health and Safety official Bill Insworth. “We believe that regular underwear checking will be a real growth area for our members.”

One profession that it is understood will be granted an exemption is that of the judiciary since it is generally believed that all judges of both sexes wear stockings and suspenders to work.