Friday, July 10, 2009

Women too fat to see their own feet complain M&S shoes make them look frumpy

The board of Marks & Spencer was today reeling from an onslaught of complaints made during the company's Annual General Meeting that its shoes make middle-aged women weighing over 18 stone look unattractive.

“I shop with my daughter, since we are both big boned and can only see each others' feet,” said Irene Billingsworth, shopping with her daughter, Jean. “No matter which pair we tried on, we both felt that none of them made us look like size 10 models.”

Marks and Spencer said that they were convinced that they had a wide range of shoes in their stores and that they attempted to provide stylish footwear for all.

“But, frankly, they are shoes, if you are wearing a size 20 dress you need a hall of mirrors to look good,” said a spokesman. “We sell shoes not bloody miracles.”

Shareholders also complained that the range of clothing on offer for shoppers who know where the escalators are, but not the stairs, was not flattering enough. They point to other retailers, such as Evans - the retailer for women who are pleased their stores are near Greggs pie shop, which has recently launched a new designer range.

“We are really pleased to announce the new Beth Ditto Collection,” said an Evans spokesman. “It is an especially good value range, having been derived from a former deal with Millets for a brand of floral print tents.”

The high street challenge of looking good is not confined solely to the female pie enthusiast, and it is hoped the new range endorsed by breakfast time news avoider Eamonn Holmes will provide for the larger gentleman too. The range includes an extra high desk and wide screen laptop to hide behind.

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