Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Trends For Autumn / Winter Fashion “Dresses / skirts, trousers, maybe blouses, definitely tops of some kind. And shoes. But mostly sweatpants.”

The leading fashion houses of Milan, Paris and London are gearing up to tell women how to express their individuality by looking the same as each other. Unlike previous years experts believe [insert year as variable to save re-writing every 12 months] is going to lead to some ground-breaking fashion statements on the High Street.

“Oh darling, yes, it will be marvellous, so new, fresh, refreshing and so, so new,” squealed fashionista Saaraaa Bylingzwerthe. “There will be skirts you know, that will be a little bit shorter, or longer, than last year. Oh darling, how outrageous!”

Indeed magazine editors are already poring over the latest sketches of skirts to determine what the new thing in skirts is going to be, a general consensus is that it will continue to be like a single very wide trouser that you can put both legs down.

“But it will definitely be shorter, if it isn’t longer than last year,” said Ms Bylingzwef. “Although, radically, they could be kept the same length. How scandalous!”

There are rumours that this year’s round of fashion will include something to be worn above a skirt, some sort of top if you will.

“I think that is very likely, it may be a blouse, or a chemise, even a shirt. Tee, or otherwise. But how many sleeves will it have? We just don’t know yet. It’s just totally quixotic,” claimed one magazine editor. “Actually it will be two, the tops will have two sleeves.”

The key demographic for fashion of both sexes is largely those people who wish to wear clothes although the shoe market is polarised along gender divides.

“Since time began men’s fashion has been dominated by men having soft feet and having to walk on rough or even wet terrain and wanting to prevent their feet from damage,” said one fashion historian. “For women it is the opposite – it is madness to consider buying a pair of shoes that you can wear for longer than you could walk barefoot over broken glass.”

However the fashion industry has revealed that it fears for its future, as the key 16 to 25 year old female demographic seems to have very individual tastes that are not being catered for by the major labels.

“Yeah, well I just want to dress like a badly dressed boy. You know grey sweatpants or maybe something that looks like pyjamas when I am out shopping or spitting, or in court,” said Bekkkki 23. “Basically something that is hard wearing and doesn’t show the cider or piss stains.”

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