Electoral Reform Means Aston Villa To Be Crowned Premier League Champions In May

As the rival camps set out their cases for the referendum in May, Nick Clegg, leading champion of the Yes campaign revealed his desire to spread AV to all walks of life and to realise his dream he was prepared to fight to the last councillor.

"Alternative to Voting is a key principle that the LibDem people are fighting for, it is in fact the only LibDem policy in the Glorious People's Listening Revolutionary Coalition,” said the self-appointed Deputy Prime Minister. “And there is no reason why a simple 'first past the post system' should be able to decide anything.”

Under the new Alternative to Voting system, traditions such as the competing party getting the most points being declared winners will be swept aside as the 2010 LibDem People's Democratic revolution continues.

“I am, and I therefore assume everyone else is, a passionate supporter of football, steeplechasing and golf, just as I am a supporter of tuition fees for students, a privatised health system and the ideological cuts of the far right,” said Colonel Nick Clegg. “As the glorious Yellow Week of May has shown, it is the career aspirations of the LibDem minority that must be represented in government and adopting the Alternative to Voting system we can continue the glorious Yellow Revolution indefinitely.”

Today's Grand National will be awarded to the leading horse whose jockey is wearing Yellow silks, and the prized Master's green jacket will be handed from last year's winner to the player with the lowest 72-hole score, who will then hand it on to Mr Clegg who will pronounce himself winner and the jacket to be yellow coloured.

“Aston Villa, David Cameron's favourite team and therefore one I support wholeheartedly, have scored more goals in Birmingham than any other side whose name begins with A that has a French manager, and so clearly they would pick up the primary votes in that category and so will be Premier League champions.” explained the architect of the nation's democratic future. “Apart from Arsenal, who won't win under any system.”