The Football Association today issued a statement urging teams and players to forge ever more tenuous links with community tragedies, such as missing people or murders. Following a peak in the early part of the 21st century the number of minutes silence observed at the start of matches has dropped alarmingly.
“The Premier League is the best in the world for aligning itself to tragedies such as loss in the community - whichever community that is - but the teams need to keep that momentum up that has been built up in the last two decades. In the week following 9/11 I must have attended at least 6 minutes silences, but this season I've sat through dozens of games this season and seen nothing but football,” said FA spokesman Richard Billingsworth. “All that the teams used to need was a picture of a missing child in a football kit and they would arrange a for a player to mow the parent's lawn.”
The FA is concerned that recent high-profile murders or the search for missing persons have not caused any overt reaction from the teams.
“Christmas is a period with a lot of high-profile matches shown on the TV all over the world, yet the people of China had no cause to look at their watches angrily as the players stood around the centre circle for no good reason,” said Billingsworth. “Children's role models need to be on display to maximise the sales opportunities for club remembrance packages.”
The FA was said to be further dismayed that the electronic advertising around Premier League pitches has not been used to show any pictures of pretty blonde missing girls for some time. However, despite recent poor performance, the association still had some dependable resources to fall back on.
“Well, we in the FA, still have one area where we can rely on the standards to be maintained,” revealed Billingsworth. “We have got the England national side, which is a continual source of national tragedy.”
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