Friday, June 18, 2010

Hope In Search For British Boy Lost In South Africa

The team searching for Frank Lampard said that they were optimistic that some sightings in the Cape Town area may lead to re-uniting the lost Briton with his English team-mates.

“Ve have haad a few sightings on a golf course in Sun City area of a boy that loooks like Frank, but he once again disappeared,” said Wikus van der Billingswerth of the South African Police Service. “Neither did he respond to his nickname, Fat Frank.”

Frank travelled to South Africa from England with 23 other boys to play in a football tournament, however nothing had been seen of him since a photo opportunity with township children. He was expected to turn up with the rest of his team to play an over 21s team from the USA, however he completely disappeared after the 1930 kick-off in Rustenberg.

“Ve received news that little Frank had disappeared at 2045 hours on the evening of 11th June,” said Sergeant van der Billingswerth. “A few minutes later a boy answering to Frank’s appearance did apparently turn up on the football pitch, however he only blasted the ball over the bar twice before disappearing again.”

The authorities are keen to track that sky-rocket shooting boy from Saturday’s match as they believe he may hold information vital to their enquiries.

“He may know Frank Lampard's location, as they both clearly know where the Rustenberg pie shop is,” said van der Billingswerth. “If the boy had indeed missed the goal completely on five consecutive occasions then we would know for certain that we had located Frank.”

South African Police are now focussing their investigations on Cape Town where the missing boy’s team is playing tonight. Despite some curious betting patterns from an online punter known as FatBoyF - who has bet on at least five fans behind the Algerian goal having drinks knocked form their hands by wayward shots - the authorities said that they are considering the investigation into Lampard’s disappearance on Saturday to be a missing persons inquiry rather than anything more sinister.

“Ve have no suspicions of any foul play, but we are keeping a watch on Wayne Rooney in case he stamps on any children’s faces in the tunnel tonight,” said van der Billingswerth. “However we are launching an investigation to determine if Rob Green has been illegally smuggling clown shoes into South Africa.”

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