Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Vatican Prejudice Expert Blasts British Equality Laws As Having “Insufficient Inequality”

Prejudice enthusiast Pope Benedict XVI has hit out at the UK's proposed laws aimed at inequality in the workplace saying that there is simply not enough prejudice to satisfy his lust for objectification and subjugation.

“I know good prejudice when I see it, I am an expert with over 70 years experience in bigoted organisations ranging from the Hitler Youth to the Roman Catholic Church,” said the Pontiff. “The British legislation would mean the Church would have to consider non-Catholics, gays and even women as the equal of a blessed donkey.”

Pope Benedict was providing his expert analysis of proposed laws aimed at preventing organisations from rejecting prospective candidates based on religion, ethnicity, their preferred method of combining their genitals or whether they have the physiology to enable them to give birth to future Christians.

“This legislation wouldn't discriminate against anyone! It's ridiculous, it is a violation of the natural law,” said the former Nazi. “2000 years ago the majestic carpenter was very clear that no one who has genitals should use them. He has made me the expert on natural law by giving me his whispers of continual guidance. And this big hat.”

Many religious groups fear that this new earthly and rational law will compel them to employ or do business with people whose lifestyles conflict with the high moral standards of Christian beliefs. They also fear the effect the administrative overheard may have on a Roman Catholic church that is currently settling hundreds of paedophile and paternity cases involving its ministers.

However Roman Catholics have been joined by high ranking irrationalists within the Church of England who are opposed to the removal of the special exemptions for religious groups. They insist their faith compels them to discriminate on the basis of the rigid and clearly defined principles of Christianity that have been continually translated, mistranslated, re-translated, rewritten and reinterpreted, then misinterpreted, over the past two millennia.

“The pope is right to insist on not doing any business with me. As an openly gay man there’s no way that I could possibly compile a church's accounts,” said chartered accountant and committed Catholic, Glenn Billingsworth, “The binary values stored in the electronic spreadsheet files would have all their magnetism become infused with my thoughts of cock.”

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