TV debates de-railed by Party Leaders’ demands

As the nation waits eagerly for the first of the televised debates between party leaders in the run up to this year’s general election it has been revealed that the shows may actually be cancelled due to the demands being placed upon organisers by the three main political parties.

“There is the expected posturing about the make-up of the audience and the proportion of supporters for each party,” said TV insider. “Labour wants more as it has a majority in the Commons, the Tories want more because they are ahead in the polls and the Liberal Democrats want more because Nick Clegg has more Gs in his name than the other leaders.”

Other demands that have been revealed are that David Cameron wants a bowl containing only blue M&Ms to be within arm’s reach throughout the debate and that Gordon Brown has insisted that he has a swivel chair and a pure white kitten to stroke throughout each televised debate. None of the parties will agree on letting Alex Salmond of the Scottish Nationalist’s watch through a window during a mass debating session.

“The TV companies think they can accommodate David Cameron’s insistence that he only be viewed in soft focus,” said the insider. “Whilst Gordon Brown is requesting that the audience cheer every time he finishes a sentence by doing that thing with his jaw.”

Despite all the back-stage wrangling, the broadcasters and political parties are united in their understanding that what the British people want to see is an engaging and exciting spectacle that will enthral people the length and breadth of the nation. They know that the public wants to be glued to their seats for the full 90 minutes and cheering their side on as they push for the final stage of their quest for the ultimate prize.

“These Wednesday night match-ups will be a crucial time before the big finale in May,” said viewer Herbert Billingsworth of Trowbridge. “That is why I won’t be missing the Champion’s League semi-finals for any political debate.”