Wednesday, January 06, 2010

New game show attempts to drive contestants to suicide

Sources within ITV revealed that the one time television maker plans to increase it's quality output with a new show whose aim is for one group of contestants to drive another player to commit suicide.

“Embarrassment has always been a corner stone of Saturday night on ITV,” said the source. “Of course traditionally it has been the viewer embarrassed for Cheryl Cole struggling with English or the cringe-worthiness of Ant and Dec, whichever is which, fluffing their lines during their ad-libs. But now we want to take it to the next level.”

Following on from ‘Take Me Out’ and its predecessor ‘Man O Man’ the new show, provisionally entitled “Men are Tossers” is to have several dozen women physically and verbally abuse a male contestant until he breaks down and commits suicide. ITV plans a big advertising slot for the break in-between its show-piece rounds called “Waxing” and “Dude looks like a lady” - the final round in which a section of the audience on a hen-night strip the contestant naked and force him to walk around with his genitals tucked between his legs.

“Our advertisers will love it, most of them already base their high-brow concept sales pitches on the idea that men are stupid,” said the mole. “This will put ITV back at the top – we are just waiting for the moment when one of the men slips that he leaves the toilet seat up – we have ordered the stun guns ready for the day!””

The programme is the latest in a series of steps by the troubled broadcaster to try and win back an audience that has found more enjoyment in multi-channel TV, the internet and the fun of sticking rusty forks in their eyes.

“We really want to maximise this programme and so have tied up with the Daily Mail,” said the source. “Anything that helps the female population to synchronise their blob-strops.”

Regardless of the success of this show ITV has been quick to deny that it has any plans to produce a version of the show where men set out to humiliate women.

“Oh no,” said the insider. “That would be sexist.”

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