Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Internet user’s time “more valuable than mayfly’s”

A survey reveals that the average Internet user considers their time to be more valuable than an astronaut, a world leader or Simon Cowell based upon their tolerance of inconvenience.

“If a website takes longer to load than I take to blink then it is wasting my time,” said Julian Billingsworth, an experienced web surfer. “My time is precious since I only have 8 hours a day to spend on the Internet.”

Even the trivial problem of receiving free spam e-mail is enough to render an Internet surfer apoplectic with rage.

“My Spam filter gets most of it, but occasionally I have to click on an e-mail and mark it is as junk. That’s maybe twice a day, taking at least 0.5s,” said Billingsworth, the veins beginning to protrude from his temples. “Over the course of a year that might amount to two whole minutes – or an entire session watching youporn.com.”

As the growth of social networking escalates users are investing huge amounts of time in making the commercial products of massive corporations a success, time they are loath to waste.

“My twitter feed is important to me,” says Billingsworth, getting more irate with each question on the survey. “I don’t want adverts, or repeated tweets, clouding my view of what a celeb is having for lunch or how bored people are at work. I need to be able to RT, and reply LOL to the most noteworthy hashtags right NOW, not in 5 fucking seconds time.”

The 10 question survey known as “Are you more impatient than a 4 year old?” is the most detailed every conducted on Internet users in the 21st century. However, the results are said to be inconclusive since thousands of respondents answered the last 7 questions with only the repeated phrase “FAIL”.

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