Today, at the Conservative Party Conference, leading figures said that behind closed doors, Tory leader David Cameron had pledged to work a day for the first time in his life.
“This is a key election promise from Dave,” said Sir Digby Billingsworth. “He is really committed to getting the work-shy off state benefits. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if he worked two days.”
Mr Cameron has made it clear that he intends to get anyone who can work, back to work, and to stop them receiving £130,000 a year in state handouts for sitting around complaining about everything.
“I can empathise with all those many people that I am told have never been to Eton and for some reason never formed a good network of wealthy friends to see get them a directorship,” said the Tory leader. “I too understand the frustration of a day spent sitting in front of a TV with nothing to do but wait until make-up has finished.”
Mr Cameron says that he fully understands the situation facing the long-term unemployed, having spent eight years as a Conservative Member of Parliament.
“I want to bring my successes and expertise in industry into government, ” said Dave. “I have great experience, remember I was a Director at Carlton when we set-up OnDigital. Whatever happened to that?”
The ability to help re-tune the nation’s set-up boxes aside, Mr Cameron said that the country needed a charismatic, young, conservative leader with experience of handling huge budgets and complex issues whilst serving the richest and poorest members of society alike.
“Indeed,” said Boris Johnson. “That will be me then. Cripes!”
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