Enthusiasts for tying children to things were today celebrating another milestone in passive record breaking by arbitrarily young people following the announcement of the country’s youngest “skydiver”.
“This really is great news,” said Bill Billingsworth, children binding enthusiast and part time caring parent. “It really shows that there are no limits to what a child can be tied to for the aggrandisement of adult egos.”
Tom Hayes, 7, became Britain’s youngest Skydiver when his parents allowed him to be tied to a stranger and flung out of a plane.
“This pushes the envelope, previous child tying records of been to inanimate objects at least controlled by responsible family members,” said Billingsworth. “The minimum age for jumping in the UK is 16 whereas in Slovenia neither the state nor the parents give a shit.”
Tom’s sister Lucy was unable to take the record from her brother since she is eight. She had to console herself with being Britain’s youngest female “skydiver”.
“Young Lucy should not be too upset,” said Billingsworth. “She is sure to be tied to something in the future and find 15 minutes of Internet fame.”
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