“We are confident that now the sub-ten year old taboo for strapping a child to something has been broken we can perhaps have a crack at the world record for the youngest person to be strapped to a phone box,” said child-tying-up enthusiast, Bill Billingsworth. “Or perhaps strapping them in a car seat using some sort of belt? The exciting possibilities to tie children up to something that is outside of their control anyway are endless.”
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“Strapping people to the wing is the modern way,” said Tiger’s father Happy Birthday Brewer. “There are only the same forms to fill in for a Health and Safety Assessment as for sitting in a plane. Which is about as risky.”
Tiger has practised hard to get the record for the youngest person Being Strapped To a Plane a task that involves standing up, aided, and perhaps wearing goggles.
“His preparation for Being Strapped To a Plane involved going out on a windy day in just a t-shirt,” said Tiger’s ridiculously named mother, Zoe. “He also managed to watch a whole episode of ‘Road Wars’ standing up.”
Child welfare enthusiasts have expressed their views on the issue regarding tying a child to a large and otherwise immovable object and the effect it could have on long term development.
“It’s great, as a parent you don’t know how great it is to strap a child to something like the 'Climbié Pole',” said Bill Billingsworth. “I have really developed my bluffing skills playing Texas Hold ‘em online - whilst the kids are tied up in the garden.”
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