Thursday, August 20, 2009

Record success for "tying a child to something"

News that Tiger Brewer has, at 8 years old, become the youngest person to be strapped to the wing of a plane has been warmly welcomed by “child-tying-up” enthusiasts around the world.

“We are confident that now the sub-ten year old taboo for strapping a child to something has been broken we can perhaps have a crack at the world record for the youngest person to be strapped to a phone box,” said child-tying-up enthusiast, Bill Billingsworth. “Or perhaps strapping them in a car seat using some sort of belt? The exciting possibilities to tie children up to something that is outside of their control anyway are endless.”

Tiger Brewer “walked” a total distance of zero feet from his stationary starting position – strapped in a harness in the middle of the wing - watched on by his sisters, Star and Flame. This equals the current best for modern wing walking since the technical variation “Being Strapped To a Plane” replaced the more conventional “Moving About Untethered” that many lay people associate with traditional wing WALKING.

“Strapping people to the wing is the modern way,” said Tiger’s father Happy Birthday Brewer. “There are only the same forms to fill in for a Health and Safety Assessment as for sitting in a plane. Which is about as risky.”

Tiger has practised hard to get the record for the youngest person Being Strapped To a Plane a task that involves standing up, aided, and perhaps wearing goggles.

“His preparation for Being Strapped To a Plane involved going out on a windy day in just a t-shirt,” said Tiger’s ridiculously named mother, Zoe. “He also managed to watch a whole episode of ‘Road Wars’ standing up.”

Child welfare enthusiasts have expressed their views on the issue regarding tying a child to a large and otherwise immovable object and the effect it could have on long term development.

“It’s great, as a parent you don’t know how great it is to strap a child to something like the 'Climbié Pole',” said Bill Billingsworth. “I have really developed my bluffing skills playing Texas Hold ‘em online - whilst the kids are tied up in the garden.”

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