Fox News shouter, and part time anal surgery enthusiast, Glenn Beck shattered traditional right-wing stereotypes of insularism after announcing that the United States had the finest healthcare in the United States.
“Only last year I was complaining about the terrible treatment I received from the shocking healthcare system in this country. When I was paid by CNN,” foamed Mr Beck. “However now that I am paid by Fox I am pleased to say what a turnaround US healthcare has had in just over a year!. Now it is star-spangled banneringly brilliant. The US has the best healthcare system in the country.”
Mr Beck, famous for responding to his own contradictions was responding to comments he made in 2008 after undergoing life threatening bum-hole surgery that sadly went wrong. He survived.
Controversy has raged across America after a few people suggested that it might be quite a good idea for the richest country in the world to let a few less of its own citizens die by providing a greater access to healthcare. This has provoked a back-lash from the conservative right who feel that President Obama has taken a step too far along Comrade Bush’s nationalisation programme for the United Socialist States of America.
“I don’t think it is hyperbole to talk of ‘death panels’, we aren’t putting words into the President’s mouth,” said fellow high-octave trainee journalist Sean Hannity. “Death panels are no more a lie than the right’s plan to tow icebergs to the US coast for our ill senior citizens to be cast adrift on. They would be moored, not drifting.”
The mainstream conservative media has fomented screaming mobs in the USSA with horror stories of other countries’ healthcare systems that actually attempt to provide medical care as a basic human right. In particular it has heaped vitriol on the National Health Service of the UK aided by major political figures. And MEPs.
“Over two million people watched the first twenty seconds of my YouTube attack on Gordon Brown,” said Daniel Hannan MEP from his constituency in Victorian England. “They probably got up to the bit where I waved my hands around. Two million views makes me an expert on the NHS which I believe my porter used once when I was at Marlborough College.”
Hannan, whose ego has been a regular on US political shows since President Obama revealed his evil plan to help sick people, recently described healing millions of poor people since World War II as a “60 year old mistake”.
“As I said to the booker from Fox News, I am more than pleased to say how bad everything is on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I can do the radio show too,” said Mr Hannan. “Now, please let me past, I have just been to Walgreens for Mr Beck’s Anusol.”
It has been revealed that the surgery on the arse-hole Mr Beck had was to remove his head from his own ass.
Egyptologists today revealed details of what is believed to be the first example of a ‘big-boned’ skeleton ever discovered. The ‘big-boned’ ...
In a shocking revelation it was today revealed that rather than having been killed in a car crash in the tunnel at the Point D’Alma in Paris...
The group of miners who have been stranded underground for months, and face further months under the ground, have expressed their sympathy f...