London's Docklands Light Railway service is to introduce new premium sections in the hope of attracting more affluent travellers to coincide with the increase in capacity being offered by the planned “three car” project.
“The economy is improving. I think. I mean what with Goldman Sachs staff getting some £3bn in pay and bonuses,” said Jack Billingsworth, spokesman for Docklands Light Railway. “These city types getting on at Bank want to travel in comfort on the long-haul 30 minute run as far as Island Gardens – we don't expect any will travel south of the river on the new City Twat Express.”
The new business service will be introduced at the start of 2010 to occupy the new third carriage being added to the DLR trains.
“The clientèle will be young city bankers keen to spunk their bonuses on anything that makes them look successful, or at least like a smug bastard,” said Billingsworth. “The new seats will costs £4,500 return, which we believe compares very well with the comparable twat service from London to New York”
However many people have criticised the new business class as an inefficient use of space on a service that has seen great demand as the Docklands area has grown over the last two decades.
“That was then. Now, aside from Goldman living it high on all the bank bailouts, no one else can afford to top up their Oyster cards,” said Billingsworth. “The way the redundancies are going three carriages might be two too many. We might be able to put full double-beds into the other carriages.”
Docklands Light Railway confirmed that they are to offer a sleeper service on the 24 minute Bank to City Airport service, but denied it was to be called the “Inter-City Quickie.”
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