Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Survey says “It’s, like, well harder being a kid now innit?”

The latest survey into childhood has concluded that it is a lot harder to be a child today than for previous generations, an experience echoed by a great number of children interviewed today, when they should have been at school.

"Like, in the olden days right, it was a lot easier. Space Invaders, yeah, how easy was that? It ain’t ‘Gears of War’, innit?" said Maria Billingsworth, Director of the Children’s society.

The report said that even though today’s children had better education, health and more possessions you really couldn’t tell from the way they behaved.

"Better education. What does that mean? Oh, I knew that. Well school is boring innit?" said, Calum, 12. "All the computers, right, they’re, like, well locked down so you can’t get to YouTube or nothing. No porn gets through either. We can’t learn nothing."

The Children’s Society said that the little darlings, whilst not having to work at an early age like many generations before, nor go hungry, want for clothes, or even a roof over their heads since the German bombing stopped nearly 70 years ago, have it harder now.

"If you is like a 15 year old girl now, you have to stay at home with your parents until you is given a council house at 18, right. Well that’s well bad if you have a baby. Innit," said the Director of the Children’s society.

The Children’s Society claimed that Britain’s children today live in squalor and deprivation that would make Charles Dickens blanch – some of Britain’s middle class children only have one games console and a year old mobile phone – and laid the blame squarely at the feet of working mothers.

"Many parents, right, they are working, yeah? Children need love and affection?" said Billingsworth. "If you is a working mum, who is going to be there to applaud when the kids want to show what they can do with their new knife?"

The outlook for today’s children is so bleak that a group of a dozen child soldiers in war torn Congo launched a deadly raid on a government stronghold with the aim to secure enough funds to ensure that every British child has a DVD player in their bedroom.

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