Monday, September 29, 2008

Fat people’s inability to read labels may have medical not educational cause

Scientists at the Jeremy Kyle University of Behavioural Research say they have identified a link between obesity and eyesight problems that can effect people of all ages. The research may explain why fat people find it difficult to understand the nutritional labels on the foods they eat.

"We have conducted thousands of hours of behavioural research and monitoring of the cake aisles of leading supermarkets," explained Professor J. Scott Billingsworth. "Our research shows that fat people have a medical condition that means they are unable to read small-print, such as a list of ingredients or dietary advice on the back of a pack of donuts. Previously we had just assumed they were thick."

The research revealed that the reason a great many "big-boned" people avoid the fruit and vegetable sections of supermarkets is that their eyes are incapable of deciphering any lettering that isn’t in a big, bright, bold, typeface saying ‘Double Chocolate Chip Fudge Brownie’ or ‘buy one get one free’.

"The exact cause isn’t known. It could be something genetic, it could be a deficiency in the areas of their brains that process complex images and pattern matching," said Professor Billingsworth. "But it could just as easily be sweat dripping into their eyes and blurring their vision when they get that ‘pie-lust’ or their fat fingers obscuring the dietary information on a twin pack of Ginsters Pasties"

The reports were presented to a conference of some of the world’s leading experts on obesity but it was not as well received as researchers would have liked with a large body of fat experts boycotting the main presentation.

"I think a great many of the attendees were in denial, as several claimed to be unable to read the meeting details on the lecture theatre notice board." said Professor Billingsworth. "Although they all found the bloody buffet easily enough."


Anonymous said...

All those years of dieting with no effect, now i know why I cant shift those 40 odd extra pounds!! Gregs bakers here i come......

Anonymous said...

Oh I just knew it wasn't me, it is just how I am - is this caused by the fat gene? I probably have that too.

Anonymous said...

OMG - i don't believe it!

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