President Pervez Musharraf has expressed his dissatisfaction with the investigation into the death of John F. Kennedy and the resulting controversy with the official reports.
“It is clear that there is new evidence, and therefore we should never give a statement that is 100%”, said President Musharraf. “Whilst it is clear that the victim died following a bang to the head we need to fully determine whether this blow came from a lone gunman or a suicide bombing accomplice on the Grassy Knoll.”
He was responding to newly discovered video evidence that clearly showed a gunman firing at the victim's car as it passed by crowds lining the streets.
The Pakistani President said that he welcomed the team of detectives sent from London by Prime Minister Gordon Brown who the President felt would provide external expertise lacking within the Pakistani security community.
“We needed more experience, maybe more forensic and technical experience that our people don't have,” said President Musharraf. “Most of the education in my country takes place in madrasas, but there the students only learn twisted interpretations of religion, their real-world science knowledge is literally medieval. So even a British child and a second-hand chemistry set off eBay would be a great help.”
The Pakistani government has vowed that the experience gained in the investigation into the death of President Kennedy will be used in all similar inquiries into high profile cases.
“We hope to learn a lot of lessons from the killing of Kennedy,” said Musharraf. “All of this learning will be applied to the death of Benazir Bhutto. Many people around the world are also dissatisfied with the official findings of the Pakastani Wahabbi Commission's investigation and its 'magic bomber' theory.”
The Pakistani President also announced parallel investigations to determine if the Pope is Catholic and whether or not bears shit in the woods.
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