Thursday, August 30, 2007

Inmates complain of poor Prison Service

The effects of the lightening strike called yesterday by the Prison Officers’ Association has tainted the image of the Prison Service with the strike's effect on many of its most loyal customers.

“It really wasn’t what I had come to expect from the Prison Service,” said Tony ‘The Spanner’, a regular resident who has had several stays at Her Majesty’s pleasure over the last two decades.

“When I arranged my stay, by assaulting and robbing a shopkeeper, I expected that I would be catered for by experienced and professional staff,” said Tony. “However today, with this strike action, the Prison Service has been shocking.”

Governors had a skeleton staff and instituted lockdown procedures. At HMP Walton in Liverpool, where Tony is currently staying, this meant that not only were prisoners restricted to their cells but lost other privileges.

“I expected my lunch to be around one o’clock with the rest of the lads,” said Tony. “You can imagine my annoyance at having to wait until three in the afternoon, and then to be offered only a cold sandwich. It’s a disgusting way to treat people, like something out of a Russian Gulag. Or Butlins.”

Tony said that he was not the only one to lose out on what they had become accustomed to receiving in Britain’s hard pressed prison service.

“Gerry ‘The Nail’ is convinced he has lost his place in the XBox rota. He said that someone is bound to overwrite his saved position on ‘Gears of War’,” explained the exasperated criminal. “For me, it was just such a lovely day that I wanted to take advantage of a tour of the historic yard here at Walton but couldn‘t without supervision. That’s the Nanny State for you.”

‘The Spanner’ said that his experience of today’s Prison Service might re-evaluate his future choices of where and when he stays.

“Well you know, there are certain expectations and, well, they aren’t being met. Still I am not a bitter man and I will document my feelings and communicate them as it traditional,” he said before his phone card ran out. “I will smear my own faeces on the wall of my cell and set fire to my mattress.”

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