Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Sinister island cult leader reveals more Lost Secrets

Today the leader of a sinister cult revealed more of his mysterious plans for those trapped on a small island - during what might be the final year of the waning saga. The leader is referred to as ‘Tony’ but this is known to be only a useful reference - sources indicate his true name will be revealed within the next year and Internet blog rumour is that it is ‘Gordon’.

‘Tony’ today spoke to some of the inhabitants from his lair in an old station of the mysterious “New Labour Initiative”.

“This is our island,” explained ‘Tony’ “and we will run it as we see fit. We admit that we were unable to control a recent glut of immigration to our island but now that we have the entire place under CCTV surveillance from our other stations we can see every move of those trapped here. We know exactly what you are up to, but we will only reveal our plans slowly and in vague instalments.” ‘Tony’ continued “When we first came to this island, we were set to have an idyllic future even if we were lost, but now it is filled with fear and paranoia.”

The de-facto leader of the opposition, David, was said to be suffering from flashbacks to a time prior to a big crash in his party’s fortunes and the torment over a woman we know only as ‘Maggie’. David was today interviewed in his home made tent on a white sandy beach.

“I have been trying to lead this group of survivors from the crash of May 2005 for a little while now. We have had to change completely compared to how we used to live. I for one have managed to become quite at one with the environment, and at least outwardly less materialistic then before, ” David explained, “but we are constantly under threat from ‘The Others’ led by ‘Tony’ although we know that their leader will soon be revealed to have another name.”

‘The Others’, who are believed to have taken full control of the island in 1997, constantly try to insist that they are the good guys, despite the terror, fear and murder that takes place on the island and seems to always be as a consequence of their actions.


Anonymous said...

So is Jacob from Scotland?

Anonymous said...

If the next foodpile on the island is all deep-fried, we will know.

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