Investigators today confirmed that they are indeed investigating the role of the Prime Minister in the ongoing “cash for honours” controversy in light of new evidence reported across the media.
“We have known for some time that this might go all the way to the top, but when the report into the effectiveness of inner city community policing came out it provided a rich mine of evidence.” explained Detective Jacob Billingsworth.
Central to the investigation into the dealings of Number 10 is the revelation that ASBOs are seen by many delinquents as a “Badge of honour”.
“It was at this point we searched back through the archives and uncovered the suggestions from the Prime Minister that people who indulge in anti-social behaviour should pay for it, possibly from cash machines.“ revealed Detective Billingsworth “We would like to emphasise that we don’t think any of the high street banks are knowingly involved.”
“We are now investigating whether or not the Prime Minister’s statement regarding marching off to a cash machine to pay on the spot fines was a code to those seeking to buy honours and the recent report may have been a piece of ill-timed advertising for the cash for ASBO service. “
The Prime Minister emphasised today that he would not comment on an ongoing investigation. At a heated press conference he said “Look, I am just not going to answer any questions in the media, it would just not be appropriate.” Reporters pressed Mr Blair further and he became more agitated. “Listen, I have only one thing to add, bog off.”
Number 10 hastily issued a press release stating that “The Prime Minister spoke in the heat of the moment and did not in anyway imply that there was currently a Buy One Get One Free offer.”
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