Friday, July 01, 2011

Indestructible Bot-Net To Be Bundled With Future Versions Of Windows

The news of the existence of an indestructible computer system has prompted software giant Microsoft to look to include the TDL bot-net into future versions of Windows as both a time-saving feature for users, but also as a key software distribution platform.

“Basically this bot-net never crashes and has great security,” said Microsoft executive Steve Billingsworth. “So it is already years ahead of Windows.”

The bot-net apparently contains advanced levels of encryption preventing investigators snooping on the traffic between computers upon which it is installed. This contrasts with Microsoft’s Internet Explorer that is surely only one patch away from automatically detailing your credit card details in a full page advert in The Times.

“We are also quite impressed with the ease with which the TDL software can install itself on a computer, silently and with such a small footprint,” said Billingsworth. “No one at Microsoft can understand how they managed to achieve that without at least four reboots and half the available hard disk space.”

However industry analysts have observed that it is unlikely that Microsoft’s quest to formally integrate TDL into the next update to Windows will go unchallenged by the other big online players.

“We are pretty sure that TDL’s purpose is the acquisition of personal data for its creators to sell on at lucrative rates,” said technology analyst Mr Bloggy. “That is basically the mission statement for Facebook – although there the criminal activity is the stupidity of Facebook users.”

Investigators around the world are keen to track down the developers of TDL in the hope of gaining not only a better understanding of the gangs behind the software and what they might be using it for, but also to ask if they could help configure the office printer.

“It is a huge, complicated system that we are at a complete loss as to how it actually works,” said Billingsworth. “Look, it says it is ‘ready’, but then insists on wanting ‘letter’ via the ‘envelope feeder’ – whatever that is.”

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