Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Daily Express lambastes Diana comic competitor for showing facts

The world's greatest comic, the Daily Express, today launched a scathing attack on a competitor for what it describes as a “flagrant publishing of facts” about Diana, Princess of Wales in a newly released comic book.

“The story of Diana is no place for facts and accuracy,” complained an editorial in the Express today. “This newly published comic about the life of Saint Diana of Wales tarnishes our carefully crafted memory of this otherworldly and saintly goddess, even though she was being ridden by an immigrant.”

The comic “Female Force : Princess Diana” documents her life based on events that have actually happened and been recorded by reputable news sources. This has provoked the ire of the Daily Express and caused the care workers at the Diana Circle for the delusional to be forced to use up their stocks of Ketamine to regain order before nap-time.

“This comic illustrates Diana's final days, with lurid so called ‘facts’ such as being on a yacht with Dodi and having had a state funeral broadcast around the globe,” ranted the Express. “The drawings bear no relation to the long lens paparazzi shots that we published before and after we said we wouldn't. At no point does it mention our stories about how she was knocked-up – even if it was by a foreigner.”

The paper further condemned references to the deaths of both Diana and Dodi Fayed in a car crash in 1997, something that the Express believes is an unjustifiable insult to their magical and almost unbelievable story of a fairy princess.

“Where are the true stories of how she cured AIDS with a hug or cleared away all the lost land-mines with just a smile? Where is her role as an icon for family values?” boomed the Express in its heavy hitting article next to the listing for its proprietors porn channel. “This so-called comic can't match our standards of truth. It makes no mention of the lizard people preventing Diana from unlocking the secret of the Holy Grail by attempting to kill her.”

The newspaper said that above all else the ending of the comic, referencing the funeral showed a complete lack of journalistic integrity on the part of the comic's Canadian publishers.

“You can't expect Johnny foreigner to understand our history the way we do,” said the article. “We have reported about Saint Diana of Fayed every day over the last decade and we know that she is alive and well.”

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