Sunday, January 11, 2009

David Cameron: “Tories would inspire confidence in ordinary hard-working Conservative members of the cabinet”

The leader of the opposition, David Cameron, today expressed his belief that the Conservatives would be able to "wipe the slate clean" and help promote economic recovery.

"Well frankly the Cameron economy would recover quite splendidly, the PM gets about £190k a year!" explained Mr Cameron, "I only get about £130k a year now from the state, so that is an increase of, well. I will ask my old Buller man Osborne, he is good at numbers."

Mr Cameron stressed that it wasn’t just his own personal income on which he was focussing, There are, he said more wide-ranging benefits to the UK economy from a Tory government.

"When I said I supported New Labour spending plans, and then changed my mind and said I didn’t, well I was being entirely consistent. What we don’t need to do is cut-back on chauffeur driven cars, flights around the world and dinner with important people," said the leader of the opposition. "The taxpayer only gives me about £600k a year for that. And most of the people I meet have never heard of me."

Mr Cameron said that it was the ordinary taxpayer that would benefit most from a Conservative government but that they should not expect it to be in the form of a cut in taxes or slashed public spending.

"The average hard working Britain needs hair to aspire to. Look at mine, it is shiny and can part in either direction. Think what I can do with an extra 50? Thanks George, 50% per cent salary? I could have highlights," said the former thirsty Oxford Bullingdon Club member. "The important thing here is to make sure that spending on things such as ministerial pay, overseas heads of government meetings and so on are kept up as that will inspire confidence in Prime Minister David Cameron. Oh yes, people in New York will know who I am when I am called that.

"In fact, while we are on the subject of substantive political issues and economic policies," he continued. "You know you can have a big, centralised style that no one likes and that doesn’t change, such as Gordon Brown’s, or you can have something that changes with the wind, flip-flopping from the left to the right as needed to make me look appealing. The same is true of my hair."

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