Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Showbiz’s leading grumps to retire

Albert and Ada Billingsworth are to finally hang up their wide range of scowls, frowns and grimaces and retire from the world of Television and Film after a career spanning four decades.

"We have been very lucky and stood in the background behind some apparently great young stars," said Ada. "Being in this business so long we have had a chance to play all of the truly great parts, from disapproving and unhappy to angry and confused. It's time to hand over and give someone just slightly younger than us a chance."

The Guinness Book of Records confirms the couple as having the most credited and scripted appearances in film and television, having appeared in every genre including comedies, sit-coms, comedy sketch-shows, and comedy variety shows.

"Our main pieces of business are to look on disapprovingly as the star does something novel or outgoing," said Ada whose most recent appearance was during the recent car test through the crowded streets of Liverpool on the comedy-magazine show TopGear.

"I have worked with all the greats: Robert De Niro, Dame Helen Mirren, Jade Goody. Well, I have seen most of them at any rate, since I am always in the background," said Albert. "If I am honest, I don't really like extroverted people, what with all that jumping about. What really gets my goat are dance routines with the stars prancing about all over the street furniture. I guess I am just a natural for my role."

The couple, who got their big break during a comedy TV news report about the mini-skirt, have not decided how they are to spend their retirement. Like many that retire from show business they are concerned about their future standard of living.

"We are used to getting paid five hundred grand for an afternoon's work," said Albert. "The state pension won't provide for nearly enough charlie for me to sniff off Ada's tits."

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