UK has World’s first celebrity based economy

Today the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown, announced that the UK economy was the first in the developed world to be primarily based upon celebrity culture.

“For two centuries Britain led the way by moving from an agricultural to an Industrial base becoming the ‘workshop of the world’,” he said. ”In the 20th Century we used services to transition from industry to the information age and now, as we embark upon the 21st century, the great pillars of our economy are paparazzi-photo filled newspapers, reality TV shows and of course text voting.”

Mr Brown cited Britain’s pre-eminent position in all areas of the celebrity landscape as evidence of the change in our lifestyles giving examples such as the Daily Express’s fixation with Diana, Princess of Wales, or the Daily Telegraph with Liz Hurley.

“Sir Elton John, for example, was once one of the leading lights of the music industry, but has now become a professional wedding attendee in his desire to fuel the tabloid newspaper industry,” said the chancellor.

“Thanks to the vapid spread of British culture, the world is obsessed with our ability to produce a stream of women who look thin in a hat and whose aim is to get onto the credit card and cock of a Premiership footballer.”

Mr Brown said that the UK although pre-eminent, was facing stiff competition and would have to work hard to be as productive as the USA in terms of ‘rehab dependency’. “The United States has always had a culture of seeking therapy but thankfully the youth of today have Robbie Williams as an excellent role model, easily outclassing the limited offerings from Britney Spears.”

Critics argue that the UK is in fact suffering a reduction, rather than an increase, in celebrity after the export of the Beckhams to Los Angeles and the outsourcing of the winner of Celebrity Big Brother to India.

When asked by reporters at today’s news conference in 11 Downing Street what impact the recent scandal of TV telephone voting would have on the celebrity economy, the chancellor replied “Oh, does anyone remember how to make a car?”