Landmark personal injury settlement launches new service

Personal Injury Direct today revealed details of what they are hailing as a landmark settlement for those who suffer accidents at work.

Dr David Banner, a medical researcher from the United States of America pursued a personal injury claim against his medical institution following an over exposure to Gamma radiation. Dr Banner maintains that the incident would have been avoided had technicians suitably notified researchers that equipment had been upgraded.

The settlement, of £3.57bn, is by far the largest personal injury claim not involving a major tobacco or fast food company. Dr Banner was awarded the sum as compensation for loss of earnings as a medical researcher and for the massive trauma that the event caused in his life.

"Since the incident, I have travelled across the US unable to settle either in any location for any period of time," explained Dr Banner. "My medical condition causes extremely violent mood swings during which I am in fear of my own safety. Whilst I cannot remember any of the events that take place when I have one of these episodes, it costs me a fortune to replace my ruined clothing."

Cory Billingsworthski, of Personal Injury Direct, said that Dr Banner had also earned compensation for the effect that the incident had on his client’s reputation. "Dr Banner has been accused of murder and arson and hunted like a wild animal. The press and paparazzi have hounded him for years. This settlement sends a message that such negligence with atomic radiation will not be tolerated."

The press conference was interrupted when lawyers for the US government served papers on Dr Banner following a tip off from an investigative journalist. The latest writ alleges that Dr Banner is responsible for £2.8bn worth of damage to private and public property as well as a further £757m damage to military equipment.

Undaunted Personal Injury Direct have subsequently announced a new specialist service for anyone that may have been exposed to cosmic rays or bitten by radioactive spiders.