Friday, January 12, 2007

Man hospitalised attempting to complete a year in a month

Jason Billingsworth, 26, was today reliving his last few days for the press after being discharged from Barking Hospital. “Well you know, we all live a fast paced lifestyle these days,” said the unemployed van driver from Dagenham. “I had read all these facts in the newspaper, like, about how much we eat and drink in a year. Well you know I thought that must take a lot of time.”

Mr Billingsworth explained that he decided to free up as much time as possible later on in the year by consuming his total amount of food and drink in the month of January.

“Think of the time I’m gonna save not shopping, eating or crapping. It was a blinding idea.” he explained. “I was even more clever than that too. I read that a packet of crisps a day was a equivalent to five litres of cooking fat. Well I like my crisps, but I know I can drink quicker than I can eat. So I got myself 5 litres of cooking fat and polished that right off.”

Mr Billingsworth explained further ingenuity. “The 45 portions of chips was a challenge. Its two meals a day that. But I had lots of chip butties which put a massive dent in the amount of bread I have to eat.”

“Of course I was really looking forward to all the beer,” said Jason, whilst smoking 3 cigarettes at once. “100 litres in a month! Marvelllous! I am not sure how much I got through, because I passed out an ended up in the hospital. It must have been a fair amount mind, as I was in their toilet for four hours pissing rusty water out me arse.”

Mr Billingsworth is undaunted by the trip to A&E, as he said that was on his list anyway.

“I have to get off home now, as the pizza boy should be arriving soon with the low-loader.”

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