Monday, October 09, 2006

Dogs – the typo of the Gods

A pensioner from Fort William in Scotland today claimed that dogs were a mistake of creation.

"It happened when I was in my early thousands and I was living on another mountain, in Greece," said Mr Zeus (8342) interviewed in his retirement home at the foot of Ben Nevis. "I was filling out a lot of requisition forms and, you know how it is, you get tired, and in between lightning schedules I must have typed out the wrong order."

Scholars of pre-history have long debated the origin of dogs – especially given their only use being to fetch sticks.

"Egyptologists disagree about the significance of dogs, " commented Bill Billingsworth from the Sidcup Centre for Pantheonic studies, "but they are just Anubis fetishists. Clearly the evidence has always pointed to a mistake, unless jumping into icy water for no apparent reason is a skill without which the earth could not survive."

However Mr Zeus said he had to come forward now as mankind was making a further mistake in their analysis of the mythological past.

"I read an article in ‘Gardener’s Weekly’ claiming that my mistake happened when I was ordering Gods, and ended up with dogs. This is not true. I had no need for more gods. I mean as soon as I opened the crate for the first one I knew that there would only be scheming and plotting amongst them. Especially that Aphrodite," said the former king of the Gods.

Mr Zeus explained that all the white marble on Olympus made the place cold and so he intended to order millions of logs. "Well, the cold gets to my bones you know, and togas are draughty. The problem was the dogs were no use for heating the place; it’s not like I could just set fire to them. That is why I had to create Korean restaurants."

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