However, 2009 beckons and as it does, so does this, the 250th story on the site. Therefore without further ado Jimmy Carr brings you the "Surreal Scoop Clip Show" aka "Best of Surreal Scoop 2008", aka "Top 50 Stories From An Arbitrary Date Range".
The year started well, what with the hilarious Norovirus leading to a load of references to defecation and breaking wind as Britons felt the heat down under :-
"The clean up crews need to be given a fighting chance. It’ll take more than a few squirts of Oust to shift that lot," muttered Professor Billingsworth. "Oh Jesus, not again," he added."
“We needed more experience, maybe more forensic and technical experience that our people don't have,” said President Musharraf. “Most of the education in my country takes place in madrasas, but there the students only learn twisted interpretations of religion, their real-world science knowledge is literally medieval. So even a British child and a second-hand chemistry set off eBay would be a great help.”
"Insiders within the Cuban regime said that Fidel had been planning his move to Tyneside for some time, indeed for the last 18 months he has only been seen wearing a tracksuit having signed on sick to avoid work."
Finances were again in the spotlight when Sir Paul McCartney's divorce hit the news, amid the revelation that McCartney had offered to conduct the settlement under Sharia Law.
"I have asked many MPs and taken some advice from my accountant and all are very much in favour of moving the House of Commons to the British Virgin Islands," said Tory MP, Derek Conway. "It is a shame I am having to stand down over my financial dealings, as it would open up a lot of opportunities for my constituents in Old Bexley and Sidcup who have not yet worked in an overseas tax-haven. Such as my wife and sons."
"When you are in a rush don’t be afraid of canned ingredients, they are something you can just get out and they save loads of time," she said. "After a hard day and a head long rush to the ground in time for kick-off I find that a can of Tennent’s Super on the bus acts as a good relaxer."And of course the ground-breaking research that resulted in the identification of LRDY the Fat Gene Enabler
"What is clear is that a person's susceptibility to LRDY is directly related to the production of the protein responsible for the American accent," said Billingsworth."
"For many people the only time they may see such a rare specimen is when one of the older Office Ninjas is eventually made redundant, although this normally happens many years after they have actually stopped working."
"We are pleased to announce the introduction of services to Barcelona Limoges airport in central France," said Mr O'Leary. "Limoges offers travellers the opportunity to visit the heart of rural France and sample transcontinental rail travel and an overnight stay on their trip to one of Spain's leading cities. This makes it by far the most convenient of Ryanair’s direct flights."
But of course it was the Olympics that took centre stage, with the news of the Faking of Boris Johnson and the promise that London 2012 can beat the opening in Beijing which only had one stabbing :-
"There will be a colourful display of synchronised vomiting and the massed ranks of pushchairs being prepared for the ‘Parade of the Teenage Mums’ will be a sight to behold," explained Lord Billingsworth. "All over the world, hairs will be raised on the backs of viewer’s necks by the chanting of the Islamic Fundamentalists and those in the stadium will leave into the dead of night with their spines tingling after the macabre ‘Cabaret of the Hoodies’."
"This, comrades, marks a glorious revolution and a new birth for the United Socialist States of America," he said. "No longer will multi-millionaire capitalists be kept awake at night by the threat of having to cancel their caviar orders. I am commanding each and every hard working American to rise up and underwrite every single dubious and morally hazardous decision
that they have made," said the President sporting a new red-star lapel pin-badge."
"The Ferrari Driver’s Club was very disappointed to find other cars on their regular parade route. Not only that but these cars appeared to be racing and repeatedly overtook them at alarming speeds," explained the FIA representative and keen whip enthusiast."Ah yes, and Surreal Scoop hailed the latest and greatest F1 talent ever.
"Given the number of sperm in the average ejaculation we actually only need one donor to populate Britain with citizenry of the right calibre for generations to come," said Bokonovsky. "And many people think Number 10 is occupied by an iconic wanker."
Well here we are at last, at the end of the year. Which is handy as a car is here waiting to take me to the Buckinghamshire Best Mortgage Sales Advisor Awards for a corporate I am getting £15k for. Just time to list out a story about Barack Obama being British and new devices for disinterested parents.
"I developed the 'Climbié Pole' after I realised that my young son was just pissing me off during 'I'm a Celebrity' and not yet being ten wasn't old enough for me to send out alone to the off-licence," explained entrepreneur Karen Billingsworth of Matthews Parenting."