As Christmas Day unfolds across the USA, loved ones express their special relationships and gifts are exchanged, CNN has asked if Britain kept the receipt for Piers Morgan.
“It was a nice offer, a nice thought, no very nice of you, very nice of you,,” said Ted Billingsworth, CEO of CNN. “But the Morgan is a fantasy figure and I am not sure it fits in with our collection – so, well we hope you kept the receipt and I could always exchange it for something else.”
When CNN first received their Piers they initially overlooked the tacky packaging and dubious reputation as they were excited that the British veneer might add a level of class. However they quickly discovered that their new Piers did not integrate well, neither with gun nuts, nor sane people who like facts.
“To be honest, when we first read the packaging we thought we were getting Piers Brosnan and well James Bond, you know, sheer class. Even Remington Steele, class. Morgan, not so,” explained Billingsworth. “And the Morgan doesn't play well with others, does it? Very disruptive.”
After some embarrassment the disagreement was eventually resolved when Britain agreed to see about exchanging the Morgan for a Philip Schofield, the deal fell through when, despite searching, it transpired that no one had seen Piers Morgan at CNN for some time.