Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Fidel Castro steps down as President of Cuba to take up new role at Northern Rock

Fidel Castro, the leader of the Cuban revolution and president of the Caribbean communist outpost, today announced that he would be stepping down to pursue other opportunities.

“Fidel has been our glorious leader for nearly half a century but, at the age of 81 feels that he has achieved all he can in Cuba,” said his younger brother, and de facto president, Raul Castro. “He was very interested by the glorious move of the government of Comrade Brown in the UK to take a whole capitalist-pig-dog bank into the ownership of the proletariat.”

Sources close to the legendary firebrand communist say that Fidel feels that Cuba has grown weak and almost bourgeois, having not been invaded by the US for over 40 years.

“He remembers the glory days during the revolution. We had to sleep rough on a hillside, cooking wild dogs on the remnants of hot coals and drinking the anti-freeze from captured government trucks,” said the younger Castro of his brother. “This is why he feels that there is work for him at Northern Rock and he will also have the chance to get back to that revolutionary peasant lifestyle in the North East of England.”

Mr Castro has said that he is keen to get straight to work at Northern Rock, and will focus initially on revitalising a brand that has lost a great deal of it's credibility in recent months.

“Why-Aye man, we ha' tae tret the future of yon bank carefully, like. Somethin' that fits in with, like, local community would nae be too sackless. So summat like the 'Northern Rock of the Revolution' , 'People's Revolutionary Bank of Newcastle', or 'Comrade Brown's Glorious Co-operative Society', ” said Mr Castro as he descended the steps from his plane at Newcastle International Airport. “Mind, like, I divn't give a shite.”

Insiders within the Cuban regime said that Fidel had been planning his move to Tyneside for some time, indeed for the last 18 months he has only been seen wearing a tracksuit having signed on sick to avoid work.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aye, sounds a cannae idea now that all the banks wuz owned by Brown like.

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