Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Britons of the future should be less individual recommends Government

The Department of Health is to consider advice from the British Fertility Society that more pregnancies should be allowed from the sperm of a single donor. This would provide a means, it believes, of further ensuring any individuality is removed from the Britons of the next century.

"The benefits are legion of having as many people as possible with the same father," said Patricia Bokonovsky a spokeswoman for the government. "If everyone is from the same gene pool they will all vote the same way and have similar personalities."

Government mandarins have long expressed displeasure at the propensity of the British public to act in a multitude of different ways, with different aims and aspirations. This routinely culminates in an alarming appetite for voting out an incumbent government that doesn’t manage to convince enough of them that it is doing a good job.

"No, the more I think about it this will be far easier and cheaper than our current strategy - of trying to control what they think and monitoring their every move," said Bokonovsky. "It isn’t like we can just lock everyone up without charging them in the orgy of Orwellian fantasy we dream about. Not yet anyway."

Secret documents reveal that many of the challenges facing society are caused by people responding in different ways to the freedom so intrinsic to British life.

"How are we supposed to regulate things like knives and alcohol when everyone is so different? How do you know if I am just going to cut up my lunch, or stab you on a bus? Perhaps I am going to toast the Queen then head off early to bed, or maybe I will be found under a bridge vomiting into my ministerial red box. Again."

Mandarins within Whitehall say that the BFS recommendation does not go far enough and instead are challenging if there is even a need for multiple sperm donors at all.

"Given the number of sperm in the average ejaculation we actually only need one donor to populate Britain with citizenry of the right calibre for generations to come," said Bokonovsky. "And many people think Number 10 is occupied by an iconic wanker."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We ahve reached 1984 14 years late. This is an outrage!

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