Saturday, October 14, 2006

Sting hits out at Trekkies use of shorthand

Occasional rain forest chat show pseudo-expert and part time pop singer Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, real name Sting, has hit out at followers of the Star Trek family of television shows. He reserved his most severe venom for those in the Internet community that follow and discuss the first of the canon spin off series, Star Trek : The Next Generation. Sting acknowledged that Star Trek Animated Adventures was not considered part of the official story line.

“The problem is that I spend a lot of time ego surfing - you know looking for references to yourself on the Internet. I search for reports on my efforts to save the Planet Earth but quite often am frustrated to find the report is about STTNG, a shorthand for Star Trek: The Next Generation, rather than myself STING. Many other people out there in internetland must be similarly confused as it is me that is saving the galaxy, the earth or humanity, not a group of highly trained vocationalists from the future.” complained the one time Geordie.

Sting confessed that he had only recently got over the disappointment of not having won any major wrestling honours. “Don’t talk to me about Steve Borden. When I realised I wasn’t him I had to have a lie down with a good counsellor.”

Sting refused to take questions regarding a rip in the space time continuum that had formed near his home, nor that the reason for several Police songs focussing on the human condition was that the drummer was in fact an android that wanted to experience emotions. The press conference ended abruptly when Sting and his publicist left abruptly in a sparkling blue glow.

NEWS UPDATE
Following Sting’s denouncement reality show pop wannabe STAA claimed that it was facile to assume that Star Trek Animated Adventures were not part of the canon. “In many ways that art form is liberating for a science fiction television show cancelled because of its large budget. Let us not forget those cartoons brought space exploration to American TV screens at a time when all the public had was the Apollo moon landings and the Skylab missions.”

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