TV executives from all over the country have heralded the news that scientists may soon be able to pick up Extra Terrestrial TV signals.
"Initially I thought, no we have to get onto digital" explained Gerald Billingsworth, head of Light Entertainment at Granada. "but once my secretary had asked her assistant to sober me up, I realised the boffins were talking about Alien television and, well really that was much more exciting."
Hillary Binsworth the Head of Video Rental Selection at Five was equally enthusiastic. "To be honest, most of the public has yet to realise it, but some of us in the heart of the industry can see a day soon when we have run out of programme ideas. Reality TV is dead and we can’t rehash the format with celebrities too much. There are only so many ways to dress up programmes based around text voting and, well we have done them all. Celebrity NHS Face Transplant Postcode Lottery might be the very last before the quality drops. So if we can pick up Alien TV we might at least be able to copy some of their ideas. Or at the very least buy them on tape and play them, which is really all we do at the moment."
Mr Billingsworth was more enthusiastic "Their porn will be something we can show at any time, after all it will be just like the Discovery channel, although obviously they will look a lot more human - but greener, possibly with an extra eye and, we all hope, an extra breast."
Will Brongstroh, head of Poaching Programmes from Rival Broadcasters at British Sky Broadcasting was equally enthusiastic "We at Sky have always striven to keep up to date with the latest TV technology and, since already have satellites in orbit, we expect to be the first to be able to relay the Alien TV as it happens, or, failing that, we will let a rival build up a customer base before we nip in and pinch the rights."
Mulder Fox-Anderson, of the Truth is Out There Foundation, removed his tin foil helmet and gave a few words to the press from a crop circle in Yatesbury, Buckinghamshire. He commented, somewhat predictably, "We have known for a long time that Aliens exist and that they might one day appear on our TV screens, after all a quality of intellect and professionalism such as Ant & Dec can only have come from Uranus."
Friday, October 27, 2006
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