Conventional wisdom says that Christmas comes earlier every year. Shop shelves start to fill with festive food as soon as Halloween is over and the decorations start appearing before the smoke has cleared from Bonfire Night. However research from the University of Liverpool to the East of the University of West Liverpool have discovered that Christmas has actually come no earlier this year than in the last quarter of a century - we are still in the 1982 Christmas season!
“The going in assumption for our research had been that Christmas is getting earlier, as sure as policeman are getting younger but the more we looked the more we realised that we could not see where one Christmas season ended and another began, “ explained Professor J. Scott Billingsworth upon the publication of his team’s findings. “We traced this all the way back to 1982, it is surprising but it is true”.
The report shows that in the Christmas of 1982: the news was filled with stories about Princess Diana, the aftermath of a mysterious assassination in London and a violation of privacy of the Royal household; the country was ruled by an unpopular government and was at war with a far off country; a Beatles hits album was riding high in the charts; the top toy was a puzzle that amused adults and children alike; there was conflict in the Lebanon and Noel Edmonds was a TV favourite; there was also an affectionate relationship between an older US President and the British Prime Minister.
“Christmas 1982 is much like Christmas 2006 in cultural terms,” continued Professor Billingsworth, “Indeed if you look at the trend over the intervening years you’ll see that those themes run right through.”
However whilst it appears as though we are all living in some bleak “Ground Hog Day” simply warming up the same cultural meal like Boxing Day left-overs the researchers revealed bright new hope for 2007.
“2007 is the year that this trend will be broken. Music will finally enter the electro-techno pop envisaged by 1980s Sci-Fi, nuclear fusion power will be come a reality; breakthroughs will be made in treatment of cancer. Princess Diana will have been conclusively and finally laid to rest and Noel Edmonds will leave our TV screens following the inevitable beard trimmer incident. These coupled with the realisation of cheap trips into Space will see a happier and more prosperous Christmas 2007 for all, “ announced Billingsworth during drinks at the post launch party.
“No, I am kidding. It will be the same old stuff until the cultural shock that accompanies the Alien landings of 2009.”
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