Friday, December 08, 2006

Devastation following ALF attack on small village

It is a scene of devastation and despair. Some residents of the once sleepy little village sit on the roadside in the torn clothing, others stagger amongst the rubble of their once picturesque houses searching for loved ones or what is left of their belongings. An injured driver sits on the curb next to the burnt out remains of his upturned Hackney Carriage.

“I had just got a new electric motor for it.” sighed Mr Snuggles the taxi’s owner.
The gated community lies in tatters. The once impregnable walls have crude holes cut in them, roofs lie upturned or smashed next to the once pristine buildings they covered.

The Animal Liberation Front today claimed responsibility for the attack on the Guinea Pig village featured in the Egg Money TV commercials. A statement on their website reads:-
“Today we took a bold move to liberate three dozen rodents from their inhumane torture and set them free into the countryside surrounding the warehouse in which their prison camp had been created. These animals can now run free, foraging and living as nature intended.”

Professor J. Scott Billingsworth, one of the lead testers at the Egg Research Lab where the Guinea Pig village was located, spoke to the press today. “The Guinea Pigs were happy. They had jobs, nicely heated homes and a plentiful supply of food. They had their choice of clothing and we rarely intervened in how they used our financial products. Some of them had some bad taste in interior d├ęcor and their computers really needed updating, but it all seemed so peaceful. Then last night a dozen masked intruders armed with cricket bats broke in through the warehouse windows and started to smash the models. Obviously some of the guinea pigs have escaped. We worry for them as they have never had to catch their own food or dig their own burrows. Also, their Egg cards won’t work in full sized cash machines.”

A masked member of the ALF, armed with a cricket bat, sent a video message to BBC News 24.
“They don’t tell you about the Guinea Pigs injured by dropped pencils do they? Egg don’t tell you about the two gay guinea pigs forced into a life of debt by the mounting credit card payments do they? What about those who buy nice big hats instead of making sure the baby guinea pigs get enough seed? Mr Snuggles will at least be able to claim on the insurance of his taxi and use that to stave off Egg’s repossession as he has fallen behind with his mortgage payments. Or at least he would if I hadn’t trodden on his house last night.”

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Animal Liberation Front today claimed responsibility for the attack on the Guinea Pig village featured in the Egg Money TV commercials. A statement on their website reads:-
“Today we took a bold move to liberate three dozen rodents from their inhumane torture and set them free into the countryside surrounding the warehouse in which their prison camp had been created. These animals can now run free, foraging and living as nature intended.”


It looks like there are three dozen rodents that are going to be ripped apart and eaten alive as food in the wild other creatures. At least those that are not flattened by automobile traffic or become carriers of disease.

At some point, you have to take a look at what the ALF really is.

www.targetofopportunity.com/alf.htm

Anchorman said...

Indeed. And losing their little ATM cards in the cash machine has got to be a bummer too.

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