Tuesday, November 14, 2006

US invites Iran and Syria to game of “pass the parcel” over Iraq

The United States of America has said that it is prepared to discuss the future of Iraq with Iran and Syria. "More specifically," revealed Karl Billingsworthski, one of US President George Bush’s aides, "to decide who would like a go at this hot potato - I mean it would be nice if we could do the right thing by the country we destabilised but, well it’s a nightmare and we need to pass this onto someone else."

"We are hoping to be able to pull at some fraternal heartstrings. For Iran there is Shia Muslim relationship - especially as the Shia in Iraq are calling for their own federal state anyway." explained Mr Billingsworthski, "For Syria, well their majority Sunni Muslim population would I am sure embrace the Iraqi Sunnis. One thing is for sure we just want out. It is a financial sink-hole. It’s clear enough people are not benefiting in the US from the vast reconstruction contracts as the mid-terms showed."

In private, off the record briefings other political advisors to the Iraqi Study Group are stressing the need to extricate US troops so that they are free to attack Syria, the preferred target in the War On Terror, or Iran if the Iranians look like they are making headway with their Nuclear programme.

"The reality is that this is as much a US strategy advisory group than it is some sort of touchy feely - ‘let’s do the best by the Iraqis’. If we get Syria or Iran involved then they’re military resources will get embroiled in the same nightmare we are now. Ideally we can pass Iraq right on to them, but even if we have to share the job you know it will cripple them more than us! And hey, that means an easier ride to the next stop on the world tour. If you know what I mean. In fact if it all goes really well then the insurgency in Iraq will spill into Syria and Iran and do the job for us!"

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